i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
