I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
