i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
