You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
