garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
