he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
