Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
