I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
