a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
