Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
