from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
