new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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