I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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