I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
