put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
