and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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