I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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