Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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