At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize