I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
