escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
