I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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