I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
