he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
