Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
