I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
