Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't deserve a penis
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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