No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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