so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
