Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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