literally had 100 drinks last night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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