exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
