Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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