but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
