My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
