So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
