Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
