She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
