It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
