He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
