I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
