I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
there is glitter all over my balls
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
