She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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