Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
