i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
