if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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