i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
