Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
