i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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