Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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