Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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