The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
