Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
