Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
