I cannot find my penis.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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