Soap is not a condiment
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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