My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
