I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
