i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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