I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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