So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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