I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
