Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
