I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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