Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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