I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize