Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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