Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
