that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
