Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
