I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
