I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
